


Fester

by Cumberbatch Critter (ivelostmyspectacles)



Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: Belonging, Betrayal, Character Study, Friendship, Game Spoilers, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-27
Updated: 2014-07-27
Packaged: 2018-02-10 15:10:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2029749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivelostmyspectacles/pseuds/Cumberbatch%20Critter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His thoughts were so twisted anymore that even he could barely decipher them.</p>
<p>Alvin character study.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fester

**Author's Note:**

> Set in the Xailen Woods Temple scene. (Written while I'm playing through as Milla, but also works for Jude's side, too.)

Alvin heard the kid get up, but he didn't care enough to stop him now. He was probably going to go sneak off and huddle down in whatever corner of the temple to think about what the future was going to bring. He wouldn't be the only one. There seemed to be a surplus of that going around.

_Stay in Rieze Maxia_. That's what Maxwell had told him. How the hell could he stay in Rieze Maxia? Or, better yet, why, in all of the pathetically forsaken worlds, _would_ he? Alvin hated Rieze Maxia.

He'd hated it when he first visited it and he'd hated it even more when he'd gotten trapped there twenty years ago. Trapped _here_ twenty years ago, in this hell-hole full of spirits and mana. It was the last place on earth that he wanted to be, but it wasn't like there was anywhere else he could go.

Look what he'd become here. This world had made him into a murderer, betraying one group before latching onto the next like some sort of leech, sucking the life of them before moving on again. Draining the life from others in order to sustain his own, and really, it was just eating away at his own soul, too. He knew that. He was damaged. But, he didn't have to be whole to be human. In fact, most people weren't. So, he didn't care about what betraying Maxwell and Jude did to things like his nearly nonexistent conscience. He tried not to dwell on the fact that Gilland had back-stabbed him, because it was only expected nonetheless if he hadn't saw it coming. It all came back to one thing in the end: it was all rotten.

He didn't need this.

He didn't need Maxwell, he didn't need Jude. He didn't need Exodus. He didn't need his mother and he didn't need _friends_. He was going to get out of this excuse for a home and go back to Elympios.

Funny that that didn't broach much excitement in his veins, either.

Alvin supposed it was because his heart was truly dead to the world around him. He wanted to get out of Rieze Maxia, but he barely felt a pull to return to Elympios, either. He didn't feel gravitation towards anything, lately, except the undeniable anger festering within his poorly concealed mask towards Gilland, for the death of Leticia, for Maxwell. Even then, sometimes staying in bed seemed more suitable option, or simply taking off and vanishing off into the wilderness where he wouldn't be found and where he wouldn't even have to find himself.

He wouldn't do that now. He was going to do what he'd told them he'd do: he'd go after Gilland. He was tired of the lies. He was the liar; he didn't like being lied to. It was just the process of mechanics, how he worked on the inside. He could betray people, but people weren't allowed to betray him.

_Hypocrite._

It wasn't as if Maxwell had really meant what she said, about staying in Rieze Maxia because she and Jude and the rest of their band of misfits would be there. Alvin didn't know why that was supposed to convince him. Besides, it wasn't something that Maxwell could offer; Alvin suspected that she would end up dead at some point, and the rest of the group wanted nothing to do with him. Not that he blamed them.

Of course there was Jude. Brave, honest, little Jude, always trying to see the good in people. Jude would accept Alvin into his life with open arms, Alvin was sure of it. Sometimes, instead of slinging his arm around the youth's shoulders, he wanted to slug him in the face. No one should be so damn trusting, especially of someone like him.

If he broke the toy often enough, maybe it would stop trying to welcome the tormentor home.

Somewhere, deep down, Alvin knew that would never happen. Unlike him, Jude was a genuinely good person.

Alvin sighed, folding his arms around his head. He had no place in this world. But, after all this time, he wasn't entirely sure that he deserved to resume his position in the other world, either. After everything he'd done, after everything he couldn't change and wouldn't change, was any place really suitable for the likes of him?

He could think of a few places he belonged, but those involved a more permanent means of an end.

Why _had_ she offered, Maxwell? Why would she think that he would want to stay here? Why would she still offer him that chance after everything he'd done? She _was_ out of her mind.

He tightened his grip around his head, grimacing.

He wondered if he was going out of his mind, too. His thoughts were so twisted anymore that even he could barely decipher them. There was something, something dark and looming, just beneath the surface, and it frightened him. More than he wanted to admit, more than he could imagine, but he was on the precipice of something he couldn't decipher and it was tearing him apart.

Or maybe that was just the mabo curry gone three weeks past the expiration date catching up with him.

Alvin sighed thinly, pressing his face into the pillow. Lack of sleep certainly wasn't helping any of it and it had been a long, long day. He was never going to figure it out if he didn't get some sleep.

Though, to be fair, he hadn't gotten any rest for twenty years. He doubted he'd start anytime soon.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I love Alvin in ways that I probably shouldn't love him - he's such an asshole, but he really has had a time of it. I'm probably of a small minority that actually likes him, but his story just gets to me. (cannot wait to see him again in ToX2 *o*)
> 
> I do not own _Tales of Xillia_. Namco Bandai does.  
>  Thanks for reading!


End file.
